i waited, feeling flatter and flatter

". . . seeking out alternative methods to try to pick up my energies and revitalize my turned-off body.

"I will never forget the humiliation I experienced in consultation with a well-respected male endocrinologist. I wanted his help in the matter of beginning estrogen therapy before menopause. I described my sexual deadness as carefully and completely as I could. Since libido is such a complex phenomenon in relationships, I wanted him to know that I had simple ways of knowing how dead, sexually, I was.

"My relationship with myself had been pretty dependable since I was a girl.

"The doctor said, impatiently, "I can't possibly justify recommending hormones because you want to masturbate. If a man had consulted this endocrinologist with the complaint that he had been accustomed to enjoying his libido, both with and without a partner, and was suffering sexual deadness, could he possibly have received such a response?

"I am a physician, a psychiatrist, and a woman.

"I was embarrassed, and then angry -- for myself and for all of us who struggle to get the help we need in matters we would prefer to keep private. And I knew that I would not quit until I was satisfied that I had done what I could to take care of myself.

"That was one of the reasons I had gone to medical school in the first place."

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